As New Years Eve, 2019, approaches, I find myself in a deeper state of reflection than usual.

I always reflect on my past year, consider what I have accomplished and also, what I have not. I set new goals for 2020, accepting that some of the past goals have become obsolete. For instance, after my major knee surgery this year, my unuttered dream of someday running Boston marathon has faded. It stings a little, but yet, I find a peace within it. Within the knowledge that I have evolved, even if unpredictably, and so have my goals and dreams.

The idea that I have evolved is what really struck me this year. When the clock strikes midnight, it will not only be a new year, but also a new decade. The dawn of a new era.

What have I done in the last 10 years? How have I truly changed?

Too often, I see the short-term changes, but not the long-term ones.

10 years have passed. In the last 10 years:
- I finished residency, two fellowships and a masters degree.

-I have lived in 4 cities and two states.

-I have had the extraordinary privilege of becoming a mother twice, while also knowing the pain of a miscarriage.

-I started my faculty position at UNMC and have had innumerable opportunities as a young faculty member, to stretch my wings, speak, write and work with others around the country.

-My husband has had more jobs than I can remember, yet, he has now found the career path he seems to have been born for. He is so full of passion, purpose, inspiration and motivation. Of note, this occurred in the last year, so it took nearly 10 years of change to get there.

-I have written more than I have since high school, with ebbs and flows due to life.

-I have had more surgeries and medical problems than I would like to recall, yet, today I find myself finally feeling like I am on the road to recovery, health and the level of activity I have missed.

-I have failed miserably, disappointed many and under-delivered.

-I also have seen great successes, exceeded even my own expectations and felt unprecedented encouragement.

-I have learned.

-I have made new friends, and still fallen apart from dear, old friends.

- We have traveled as a family, shared experiences and memories that are worth more than anything else.

In 10 years, so much has happened. So much I could never have anticipated or dreamt.

And as I fathom who I will be on New Years Eve, 2029, I pray that I get there with intention and flexibility, with passion and with grace.

In 10 years, the mystery will unfold.

Who will you be?